Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
