Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
