I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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