he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
