Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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