Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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