yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
