I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
