so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
