thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
