note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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