Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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