he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
