allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
