The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
