I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
