He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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