Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
