i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
