Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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