considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
