So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
