the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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