Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
