You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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