Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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