Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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