True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
