found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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