WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
