bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
