Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
