whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
