whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
