O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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