We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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