My first STD was from a foam party
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize