I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
