My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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