Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
