went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
