I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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