oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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