We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
