yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
