Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That accounts for only three of the penises
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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