I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I bet he comes in French.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
