youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
