have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
