If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
