she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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