guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
