3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
