whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
