Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
