Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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