True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
