ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
