THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
