He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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