spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
