ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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