I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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