Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
