I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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