The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
