My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
