Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dick very happy bro
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