Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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