You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
