so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
