and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
