I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
