I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
