The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You really coming over, don't trick.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
