nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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