i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
