Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
