I accidentally had phone sex last night
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
