Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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