im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
