I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
