If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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